I believe that the Western (read: American) version of success is all messed up, outdated and tired, in serious need of a revamp. It’s all about fame and fortune and power and money, no matter what the personal cost. It’s about striving towards some future goal in the hope of someday finding inner peace and happiness. It’s about comparisons to others and keeping up with the Joneses and showing the world how well we are doing. All too often success has a price and the price is our well being.

As part of my research, I googled the word Success.

Dictionary.com defines success as:

1.      The attainment of wealth, position, honours, or the like.

2.      The favourable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavours.

Merriam Webster Online described it as:

1.      The favourable or desired outcome.

2.      The attainment of wealth, favour, or eminence.

Note the future dated words: Attainment, Termination & Outcome.

And whilst success is described as a noun, it seems to be very much about doing things (verbs) in order to have stuff (nouns). But what is it that we really want to have and why? Answer these questions honestly and your life will instantly become more successful.

What do we really want? I have asked this question to thousands of members of my audiences over the years. The answers usually include important things like money, possessions, security, love, respect, recognition, health, wealth and happiness. Yet when I invite them to dig deeper, most people share that they are really looking for PEACE OF MIND or CONTENTMENT or SELF ACCEPTANCE.

The problem with the current success formula is that it says we need to DO a lot of things in order to HAVE more stuff so that we can BE successful. And we keep postponing our success to some future date. We often play the WHEN / THEN game. WHEN I win the lotto, get the promotion or pay off my mortgage; THEN I will be happy. We also feel that we NEED more things in order to feel successful. I need a better job, house, body, partner, or a nicer car, suburb, suit or status symbol. And it all seems like such HARD WORK and so difficult to achieve. Well here is the good news: Success can only be experienced now, in this moment, in this second, and success can only happen INSIDE OF YOU!

The diagram below will illustrate my point:

In the diagram, the horizontal line represents our life from birth through retirement to death. It shows that every day we grow older as we continue on our (external) journey of doing which leads to having. So we work to have money and we study to get a degree. And we are able to learn important skills to assist us in being more effective on this journey, physical skills like machinery operation and software usage and communication skills and time management. On this journey we have no choice regarding the fact that we will get a day older every 24 hours.

The vertical line represents the inner journey we travel in parallel with the outer. This is the journey of knowing and growing ourself, the (internal) journey of being. This is where we learn self acceptance and trust and forgiveness and awareness. This is where we learn to drop our conditioned beliefs and acknowledge our true self. This is where we connect with spirit and thereby become inspired. And we are able to learn important skills to assist us in being more effective on this journey, “soft skills” like self management and meditation and prayer and self awareness and consciousness. On this journey we have infinite choice. This is because everybody grows old but not everybody grows up.

Our western society is obsessed with the external journey. It believes that relentless working on the horizontal plane will automatically lead to growth in the vertical. This formula is fatally flawed. Just look at “famous” names like Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Bernie Madoff, or even Princess Diana. These people “had it all” – fame, fortune, power and respect. Some of them even left a fabulous legacy. Yet it would appear that their inner journey was incomplete. Something vital was missing inside. The inner peace that should have accompanied the outer success did not happen for them.

I believe that we are out of balance. We have become so obsessed with being the best and winning and competing that we have too little time left to look within. We spend so much time on the horizontal journey that we have no time or energy left for the vertical. We are so busy striving towards our future goals (or just bloody surviving) that we lose ourselves in the mix. The symptoms are stress and burnout and fatigue and road rage. The results are dis-ease, divorce and depression. The coping mechanisms are alcohol and cigarettes and caffeine and drugs (both legal and illegal). The consequences are a dysfunctional society and a whole lot of unhappy people.

So what to do?

I am often approached after a presentation or workshop and asked where do I find the time to read and attend workshops and continually grow myself. I sometimes get the comment that because I am in the business of personal growth I have no choice but to continually improve. My response is that we ARE ALL in the business of personal growth, all involved in the horizontal as well as the vertical journey and all looking for the same thing. And that thing we are looking for is INSIDE of us. It can only be found by looking in there with as much dedication and discipline as we pursue a college degree, our first million or our dream home. My personal search has led me to discover powerful eastern wisdom and practises to help me find the balance inside, because the east has always put far more emphasis on the internal journey than the western cultures have up until now.

So here is my formula for Success, described for balance in terms of Health, Wealth and Happiness.

1.      Health has 4 components – Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual.

• Physical – Eat for energy, not weight. Read the labels. Try to eat more live, raw food and less processed, dead food. Eat consciously, slowly and with reverence. Get sufficient exercise and adequate rest.
• Mental – Watch less news reports and more sunsets. Read or listen to self help literature. Learn to really manage your mind or it will continue to manage you. Find effective ways to “switch off” from the incessant mental chatter of your mind.
• Emotional – Develop your emotional intelligence. Learn to express your emotions in a balanced way, as repression is dangerous. But also do not become overwhelmed by your emotions. Learn how to use the tremendous power of your emotions to help you achieve a meaningful, successful life.
• Spiritual – If you are a religious person, use your religion to connect with the highest part of you. Give prayers of gratitude and thanks. If you are not religious, find ways to connect with your spirit, such as meditation, music, nature and being of service. Or use both in combination. Either way, choose to live a more inspired, spiritually connected life.

2.      Wealth is what is left over after the money is all gone. The wealthiest people on the planet do not have lots of money. What they have is lots of assets which are worth lots of money. Whilst saving is good and necessary, you cannot really save your way to wealth. You create wealth by investing in business or property or shares or other valuable assets. Or you develop intellectual property, which has intrinsic value built in. Wealth is also created through changing your belief systems about money.  We need to develop a healthy respect for money and understand the rules of the money game, without becoming obsessed by it.  Read books on wealth creation and also autobiographies of wealthy people you look up to and respect.

3.      Happiness is an inside job. It is the vertical journey. It is not really dependent upon what you have or what you do. It really depends on how you FEEL about what you have and do. I would rather have a little and appreciate it a lot, than the other way around. Happiness comes from self worth and self acceptance, from living up to your own ideals and not the (perceived or real) expectations of others. Happiness comes from the realisation and release of your conditioned negative beliefs and behaviours. You were born happy, until life shut you down. So don’t try to put happiness into yourself – it is always alive in there. Rather discover and remove the beliefs, blockages and fears that are suppressing your true self from expressing right now.

My definition of success is: The ability to live a Balanced Life filled with Health, Wealth and Happiness NOW, whilst working steadily towards Achieving your Goals.

The truth is: You are already successful right now. You have faced the tough obstacles life has thrown at you and you are still here. You have grown as a person, in spite of adversity. If you are fortunate enough to have some basics, like access to the internet, a cellphone, a roof over your head, a refrigerator (with some food in it) and perhaps even a job and an automobile, then you are better off than 9 out of 10 people alive on earth today. To quote author Timothy Ferriss, from his bestseller The 4 Hour Work Week: “People don’t want to be millionaires – they want to experience what they believe only money can buy. $1 000 000 in the bank isn’t the fantasy. The fantasy is the lifestyle of complete freedom it supposedly allows.”

You live in a world which gives you amazing choices for both journeys – horizontal and vertical. I repeat – the west is obsessed with the horizontal. Nothing wrong with that – keep on improving your “hard” skills and make loads of money if that is your goal. However I strongly suggest that you create balance by finding new and innovative ways to improve your “soft” skills. Dive deeply into your vertical journey and you will find a depth of joy you never dreamed possible. Your complete peace of mind, self acceptance and contentment are only a heartbeat away.

Stop postponing your Success – Choose to live it NOW!

Yet, at some level, something told us it was going to be an awesome, exciting and extraordinary event. Somehow we knew that we would pull it off, albeit in our uniquely schizophrenic SA fashion. And boy did we get it right! The tournament was an unadulterated success, a whirlwind of matches, fan-walks, fan-parks and fanfares. Even our traditionally negative media got on board and blew the vuvuzela with mostly positive reporting. Crime decreased and when it occurred it was dealt with decisively. It was dubbed by FIFA as the most successful world cup ever!

After the final whistle, the business gears began to move again. Indecision was replaced by positive action and we moved into a more prosperous period. We rode a wave of certainty, fuelled with the pride of achievement and hope for the future. We had finally come to believe in ourselves.

But now the tide has turned again. The SA rollercoaster is moving uphill once more.   The media has turned mostly negative. The schizophrenic pendulum has swung to the other side.

So all this has really got me thinking about schizophrenic SA. I am pondering some difficult questions right now. Like how is it that we can be known as one of the most friendly, warm, hospitable people on earth AND also have one of the highest rates of murder, crime, rape and violence? How can we feel so much pride a few months ago and so quickly slip back into self loathing when a tourist is senselessly murdered in Gugulethu? How can we open our arms to the world yet close our hearts to the suffering of our fellow countrymen? How can we produce a magician like Mandela and a monster like Malema?  Why is it that when something is sent in a car, it’s called shipment, and yet when something is sent in a ship, it’s called cargo? What the heck is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free? And why can I never stay serious for too long without slipping into sarcasm or dark humour?

I do not have the absolute answers to any of these. However, as a patriotic South African, I will attempt to answer in the only way which makes sense to me. If these answers seem senseless to you, go read the newspapers and get depressed instead. This is a motivational newsletter remember!

We are attempting to heal our violent society. The 25^th November saw the commencement of the annual 16 days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children. In addition, The Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation has done a lot of excellent work since 2007 in attempting to determine the reasons for the endemic violence in schizophrenic SA. In an April 2009 supplementary report, submitted to the minister of safety and security, the centre mentioned contributing factors to violence such as:

1. The legacy of apartheid and colonialism.
2. Brutalisation and the culture of violence.
3. Racism
4. Firearms
5. Impunity in township areas.
6. Inequality and poverty.
7. State Institutions such as the courts and education system.

This report was well researched and presented, but because it was focused on violent crime and not violence in general, it missed a few vital components. For example it did not mention the effects on thousands of South African Soldiers of being forced to fight an immoral war, on our borders, in the townships and in our neighbouring countries. I believe that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is rife in ex SADF soldiers. I know this firsthand, having served 6 of my 24 months compulsory military service on “the border.”

The report also did not mention the ongoing nightmare faced by members of the South African Police Services (SAPS), many of whom regularly have to face crime, death, violence and disrespect. I believe that a large percentage of them must be affected by PTSD. Consider a policeman, who has witnessed gruesome crime scenes, possibly seen friends and colleagues killed violently, discovered decomposing bodies or been abused by members of their communities. The sad thing is that they are regularly offered counseling services by the SAPS, yet most refuse to go because it will be entered on their files and could affect their chances of promotion up the ranks. As a result they walk around like human time bombs, and some eventually commit crimes against others or even end up killing their loved ones and families in gruesome “familycides.”

I also did not see a mention of the PTSD experienced by the thousands of victims of crime and violence, a self perpetuating cycle of reaction on reaction.

And let’s not forget the impact of domestic violence and abuse, perpetrated against “loved ones.”

The reports made a number of suggestions to address the issues. All have merit and could go a long way towards solving the problem. I hope from the bottom of my heart that they will be implemented and achieve the result we all want. We are already seeing improvements, for example the murder rate fell substantially during 2010.

I am no expert in the field of crime and violence. My passion is for inspiration, motivation and, most importantly, TRANSFORMATION. So for what it is worth, I will attempt to put forward some additional suggestions to add to what is already on the table.

We are a desperately under psychologised society. Our egos and conditioning (cowboys don’t cry) cause us to believe that we can deal with emotional issues ourselves. We believe that we do not need assistance or counseling to assist us in dealing with grief, anger, depression, violence, relationship issues, substance abuse and PTSD. The truth and reconciliation commission was a brave and worthy attempt to heal the past. Yet the scars remain, like festering wounds in our collective psyche. We are a society that will visit a doctor or traditional healer without blinking an eye and swallow unquestioningly the potions they prescribe. Yet mention to your average South African the alternative options such as psychology, counseling or spiritual healing and they run a mile! Most men (statistically the main perpetrators of violence) are petrified to go near any of these. So they will drown their sorrows in alcohol and drugs, both legal and illegal, rather than take alternative steps to work through their stuff. Their fears, ego’s and our judgemental society will simply not allow them to open up and become vulnerable, which is an essential prerequisite for healing.

To heal our society, we urgently need to find ways to get these people to seek help. Real help, not temporary band aids which mask the symptoms yet do not address the cause. The people who love them should try every means possible to get them to an alternative healing option as soon as possible. They may not realise it, but the options for real healing are vast.

As mentioned, I am an ex soldier who was brainwashed and conditioned and trained to kill others with a huge variety of scary weapons. Over the last 25 years I have chosen to face my fears and take the steps necessary to heal myself. I have tried most of the options suggested below, believing that somehow in combination they would help me to heal. And they have. My life now overflows with peace, joy and gratitude and I see beauty and miracles all around me, every day.

It is my deepest wish that life could be experienced this way for many more of my fellow South Africans.

Therefore I will briefly list a few of the possible healing options below and you can use google to find more detailed information:

1. Attend any one of the available Transformational Group Trainings available in SA, such as: ALIVE by World Alive, Landmark Forum by Landmark Education, Master 1 by Consciousness Coaching, More to Life Weekend by More to Life, I am forum by Pat Grove, New Warrior Training Adventure by Mankind Project, and Turning Point by Centre of Light. These are just some of the powerful options out there which can offer significant growth, healing and lasting transformation.
2. Qualified Counselors: Just ask around and you will find them everywhere.
3. Social Workers can also be helpful in many instances.
4. Psychologists: For some a shrink or “kop dokter” could provide the solution.
5. Spiritual Healers and Sangomas are growing in popularity.
6. Homeopaths, Acupuncturists, Reiki Therapists and Kinesiologists.
7. Yoga, Tai Chi and Meditation Practitioners.
8. Other Alternative Healers.

There is literally a veritable buffet of options available. The immediate results I have seen achieved by these practitioners are astounding. Who you choose will depend upon the personality of the person requiring the help. The dichotomy is that the very deep issues which require the healing will keep many from seeking any help at all. The deep fears underlying their violence will actually sabotage their chances for redemption.

Unless those closest to them have the courage to lead them across the bridge. Before they fall off. Before the time bomb explodes.

This is our schizophrenic society. So full of hope and possibility, yet painfully hamstrung by our past. So capable of love, compassion and Ubuntu, yet wrestling our individual and collective demons. Desperately wanting lasting inner peace, yet not knowing how to take the proper steps to heal the turmoil within.

The biggest problem in our country is not violence and violent crime. That is the symptom of the problem. The main problem is the denial of the need for healing by thousands of sufferers of PTSD and their resistance to seek help. Their “tough guy” conditioning prevents them from becoming vulnerable and surrendering to expert healing.

The good news is that HELP IS ALL AROUND! I have a growing network of incredible healing practitioners and am more than happy to refer the brave few who are willing to ask me. All you need to do is drop me an email.

I deeply love this country and all of her people. I believe that we will overcome these challenges, because we have the collective will and capability to do so. I am passionately committed to doing whatever it takes to help us become as magnificent as we are destined to be. And I am privileged to see the miraculous transformation of individuals who take the leap of faith.

So as we prepare to bid farewell to 2010 and prepare for the festive season, I wish you healing and peace and joy and celebration with your loved ones.

For 2011, I wish you everything that you wish for.

Remember, happiness is an inside job.

Do whatever it takes to find it. Do it now.

Heal yourself and you will help to heal our nation.

With Love

Mark

It’s not easy being an optimist in these challenging times.  The forces of sadness and negativity are finding more and more evidence to justify their unhappy existence. The psychic vampires are conspiring to drain my positive energy.

Also, I am beginning to think we South Africans suffer from a form of collective national erectile dysfunction. Or at least a massive countrywide inferiority complex, with a smidgen of schizophrenia thrown in. It seems to me that many other countries believe in South Africa more than we believe in ourselves!

The Indian Premier League is a prime example. The people of India (who completely idolise their cricket players) were concerned about the IPL players’ safety due to possible unrest during their elections. So they sent them all to SA, in the midst of our elections, to play the IPL tournament here. They believed that their players would be safer here than back home in India. In addition, we were given only a few weeks to prepare for this massive event and, in true SA schtyle, we pulled it off magnificently!

We also seem to believe that we have the monopoly on dodgy politicians. Right now our old imperialist coloniser Grate Britain (yes spelled grate – because of their constant whingeing and complaining) are catching a major wake-up call. Many of their politicians are deeply embroiled in the current expenses scandal. Their justice Minister Shahid Malik recently resigned after being caught red handed. We had travelgate – they now have mastergate.

Many other countries regularly report highly questionable behaviour by their politicians. For example, click here to view a report on the top 5 most corrupt USA politicians of 2008. It may surprise you to learn that as a country, we only rank 46^th in terms of corruption. Which means we are less corrupt than Greece, Brazil, Mexico, Thailand, China, Egypt and India to name but a few.  This statistic by no means justifies or minimises the actions of our businessmen or politicians who succumb to the massive temptations of position and power. It merely puts their behaviour into context.

As John Mayer sings: “We keep waiting, waiting for the world to change”  So we keep waiting for the policemen, politicians, councillors, trade unionists and others to effect the change we need in order for us to finally believe. We spread sad stories of inefficiency, corruption, poor leadership and incompetent civil servants. What is the point? It merely serves to perpetuate our lack of self belief. How long are we going to keep waiting for things to change? When are we, to quote Gandhi, going to become the change we want to see in our country?

There is an ongoing debate on whether seeing is believing, or believing is seeing. The USA is a prime example of the latter. They are technically a bankrupt nation, with a national deficit running into trillions of dollars. About half of their population is overweight and 30% of them obese. Nationmaster reported in a survey on crimes per capita that the USA has more crimes per capita than SA. (Unflippingbelievable!) All they seem to have going for them now are a likeable presidential couple, a thriving democracy and tons of self belief.

Having lived in the USA for 12 months, I was amazed to see their collective level of self belief and patriotism. They harness this collective energy and somehow manage to have the strongest economy on the planet, with less than a third of the population of India and a quarter of that of China! Why? Because they fly their flag and sing their anthem and speak one language and believe in themselves and support one another and work together to keep their dream alive! For them, believing is seeing. We really should learn from this.

As a motivational speaker, my strategy is to open my eyes, my mind and my heart and look out for what is going right. Then focus my attention on it, to keep my spirits high. Which is different to getting high on spirits!

So what do I see in SA, in order to help me believe?

• I see massive roadworks, currently causing some major traffic problems. I believe however, that within 12 months they should be finished and we will have a vastly improved transportation infrastructure.
• I see many people struggling financially in these awful economic times. Yet I also believe that we are not as badly affected as many other countries, partly due to the National Credit Act and Exchange Controls which we moaned about for so long.
• I see layoffs and retrenchments and short time. Yet I also see many people restructuring their busy lives, reprioritising what is really important and starting to create more balance between their work, health and family life.
• I see compassion and caring starting to replace greed and consumerism.
• I see reports of many South African expatriates coming home, which I believe could alleviate the acute specialised skills shortage in some of our sectors.
• I see doctors going on strike, demanding higher remuneration. I support them completely – doctors need to be paid well or they will simply seek work in other countries. Once again, other countries welcome our doctors with open arms, believing in them more than we do. We simply cannot afford to let them go. (By the way, have you ever wondered why doctors study for at least 7 years and then spend the rest of their life practising?)
• I see my white children, schooling and playing and laughing with black and brown and even Asian kids. I believe this is our hope for the future. (I also had China’s in school, but they were from Jo’burg!)
• I see cranes and stadiums and construction and housing projects for the poor and packed convention centres and busy shopping malls and an economy which continues to function, albeit in slow motion.
• I see a photo of Africa, taken from outer space, showing visible evidence of why we are Africa’s largest economy. Africa believes in us – the bulk of the 9.5 million tourists we welcomed to SA last year were visitors from Africa.
• I see a new minister of finance who has a truly remarkable track record, having vastly improved the efficiency and revenue collection of SARS. I believe he is a worthy successor to Clever Trevor.
• I see SA companies like MTN and Shoprite expanding into Africa, making a difference and making a profit. Isn’t that what business is all about?
• I see so much more, but don’t want to become a bore.

What do you see? What do you believe? If we open our eyes, our hearts and our minds, how much more can we achieve?

Henry Ford said: If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.

I THINK WE CAN!